THE TROUBLE WITH THE LETTER S
by Ballyuk
Summary: After a chat with Zatanna at a bar, Lois wakes up not quite feeling her usual self. What had Zatanna done to her? Set after the events of 9x13 (Warrior).
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: I do not own any of the characters. Also, Shelby is still a boy.**

* * *

 **THE TROUBLE WITH THE LETTER S.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1.**

She grabbed her cellphone and hammered away at the keypad frantically, writing a short sharp text message. This was a matter of urgency, yet she knew she couldn't call him. Talking to him on the phone in this state would only confuse the hell out of him. She was living in a nightmare and she needed Clark's help though. After all, it was because of his friend that she was in this predicament.

 _Need you right now Smallville. LL_

Clark had just finished putting out some feed for the animals when his phone beeped an incoming message. Seeing it was from Lois, he read it. He could be at the Talon in a flash but he had to make it look as though he'd had to drop everything. After only recently debunking her (correct) assertion that he was in fact the Blur, it would be foolish to super-speed his way over. Fifteen minutes should suffice and he'd take the truck. He messaged back a reply.

 _On my way._

* * *

Pulling up in an empty space in front of the Talon, Clark wondered what Lois might want. Since they'd been dating, it seemed as though they were spending more and more time at work. They'd not had very many moments to themselves since deciding to become a couple. He was curious as to why she'd left a message instead of calling, but put it to the back of his mind as he made his way inside the building and up the stairs to her apartment. He knocked on the door.

"It's open," he heard a voice call out. It didn't sound like Lois.

He stepped into the apartment and couldn't see her anywhere. Her bed was unmade and the bathroom door was ajar, so he assumed she must be in there. What he saw next made him blink in shock as Lois padded out of the bathroom.

"Thmallville, thank god you're here. I don't know what the hell ith going on!"

Clark stood there, jaw almost to the floor, as he took in the sight of Lois. She was wearing her usual pajamas with her hair tied back, and her face was a combination of fury and panic. She was also less than 1 metre tall and considerably younger looking. So young in fact, that she could pass for maybe 4 or 5. She had large brown eyes, tiny freckles on her nose, and cute little dimples in her cheeks which themselves had a rosy tinge to them. Her clothes fit her perfectly as though Lois had kept a spare kids' set for just such an occasion.

"Lois?" he just about croaked out as he squinted. He was so surprised he had to remember to let some air into his lungs.

"Your friend Thatanna did thith to me. You need to tell her to change me back or tho help me god, I'm gonna kick her ath!"

The bravado and attitude was pure Lois but the voice was that of a little girl with a lisp. _Is this what Lois looked and sounded like as a little girl?_ He could feel his lower lip begin to quiver and tried to rein it in. He so wanted to laugh out loud. Lois seemed to sense his amusement and that only made her more furious. Her hands went to her hips and she jutted her chin out as if challenging him. At least that's what it would have looked like if she was her normal self. In her current guise, it looked like a pouty strop and all that was missing was the stamping of tiny feet.

"Zatanna did this to you?" he asked, pursing his lips as he continued to fight the urge to laugh.

"Yeah. I ran into her at the Ath of Clubth latht night. We got to talking and she apologithed for making moveth on you. Thomehow we got to talking about relationshipth and I thaid that thometimeth I wish thingth were thimpler like when we were kidth. I didn't know she could hocuth pocuth me into a 4 year old!"

Clark made his way over to the couch in the living room, if only to contain the urge to laugh. He was on the cusp of losing it after listening to Lois speak, which was even funnier than seeing the kiddie version of her. Lois followed him to the couch, clambering up to sit down. Her feet barely reached the edge of the couch.

"Did you just wake up like this?" he asked.

Lois answered dryly. "Well I didn't go to thleep like thith! I got up ath normal but when I went to get out of bed, I fell out. I had to uth a thtack of magathinth tho I could get on the toilet and pee, and I had to brush my teeth while thtanding on a chair tho I could reach the think!"

Clark's dam burst. This was so painfully funny he could actually feel his ribs hurting a little. His eyes were beginning to water. It didn't help when Lois pushed him in the chest in frustration. What would normally be a look of annoyance simply looked like the frown of a grumpy little madam who'd been told she couldn't do something she really wanted to.

"Ith not funny Thmallville! Your friend needth to fixth thith right now!"

Clark just about managed to regain his composure and allowed his face to take on a more neutral expression to placate Lois a little.

"No you're right, I'm sorry. I'd better call her." He took out his phone and called Zatanna.

"Hey Blue!" she answered.

"Zatanna, hi. Listen, I need a favour. Can you reverse this spell you put on Lois? I thought I told you not to play games."

"I'm sorry Clark. When we spoke last night, Lois said she sometimes wished life was less complicated, and how things are so much easier when you're just a kid. She wished things could be that simple just for a day."

"So you cast a spell? You must have known she wasn't being serious!" Clark scolded, slightly annoyed that Zatanna was still messing around.

"Sorry, I can only cast wishes, I can't be responsible for what happens," Zatanna offered in response. "Look, Clark, are you with Lois right now?"

"Yeah, she's sitting next to me."

"How is she?" asked Zatanna.

"She's actually pretty adorable," he said smiling, then upon noticing Lois scowling at him, cleared his throat and became serious again. "Actually, she's pretty mad at you. You gotta change her back."

"You're in luck. The spell will wear off when Lois goes back to sleep and wakes up again. I gotta go. Bye Blue!" said Zatanna as she ended the call.

"Zatanna, wait!" cried Clark. He sighed.

"Well, what did she thay?" asked Lois, hoping for some good news.

Clark looked back to her. "She said that you'll be back to normal after you go back to sleep and wake up again."

Lois was angry again. "Back to thleep? How am I thuppothed to go back to thleep when I'm like thith?"

Just then, Lois' phone rang. Panicking, she picked it up and handed it to Clark.

"I can't anther it!"

Clark took the phone and saw it was Chloe. "Chloe, hey."

"Clark? Hey, where's Lois?"

"She um…she's still asleep. She stayed over at the farm last night," he lied.

"Well, I was just calling to say I'm coming over in a little while because I need to pick up a couple of things from the apartment. Tell you what, I'll swing by the farm later," said Chloe.

Clark glanced at Lois. "Better make that a _lot_ later Chloe. We've got a story we need to finish. It's a tough one but Lois reckons she'll feel a lot better if we get it in by tonight, so we can make the morning edition."

With that, he ended the call.

"Lois, I think we'd better go back to the farm and keep you out of sight for now. You can sleep there and hopefully the spell will wear off," Clark said to Lois.

She climbed down from the couch and made her way back to her bedroom.

"In that cath, I'd better get showered and changed. Even my clotheth have shrunk!" she muttered, then to herself as she stepped into the bathroom, "When I get a hold of that woman…!"

Clark leaned back on the couch. He hoped the spell would be broken like Zatanna had suggested, but he also knew it might not be as simple as that because Zatanna liked to toy with you. You had to be careful with your words because she could be a little bit too literal when doing her magic. Still, this was a bizarre turn of events yet achingly funny at the same time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2.**

The ride back to the farm was no less eventful. Clark had had to create a makeshift booster on the passenger seat using a couple of cushions from the apartment, while Lois sat waiting impatiently behind the wheel. Her feet just about reached over the front of the seat. It was while Clark was sorting this out that a friend of Martha's spotted him and came over to say hello. Clark had to pretend that he was with his favourite niece 'Lola' (he'd almost said 'Lois' but corrected himself quickly) as Martha's friend cooed over how cute Lois was and how grown up she looked in the hip-hugging jeans, blue blouse and purple jacket she was wearing. Lois was not feeling inclined to play nice so Clark even had to remind her to mind her manners, in the way parents usually did with their children. It was a ridiculous scenario.

As per usual, Lois commandeered the stereo and wanted Clark to tune in to her favourite rock music station. The controls were well out of her reach but Clark obliged as he always did, and so the ride home was filled with the sounds of a 4 year old air-guitaring and singing along to 80s classics. Clark wished he had a video camera to capture Lois' antics.

Arriving at the farm, Clark had to help Lois out of her seat and set her down, and without thinking, he again did it the same way a parent would with their child. He was having a lot of fun with this, and her annoyance only made her cuter. She charged on ahead of him as she usually would but just as they reached the steps to the house, they heard a familiar bark. Opening the door, Shelby came out tail wagging and happy to see Clark. He was even happier to see Lois as he could recognise her, big or small.

She tried to fend him off as he raised his front paws, inadvertently putting her on the seat of her pants on the porch. He was licking her hands and face and she struggled to get back up, sneezing a few times.

"Oh, my allergieth!" she whined. "Shelby, thtop!"

Clark smiled at her struggling and he adored the sneezes but sensing her difficulty to get Shelby to stop, he told Shelby to get back in the house to which the dog duly complied. Helping Lois back up, they went inside.

"You know, as a 4 year old, you'll probably need a nap after lunch," he said, opening the fridge. "I've haven't really got anything but I can rustle up some spaghetti with meatballs if you like." There was some minced beef in the fridge along with a container of Parmesan cheese, and he knew he had a couple of jars of pasta sauce in the cupboard. There was always pasta around. It was quick, simple and convenient.

"Thpaghetti with meatballth thoundth good," Lois replied. Realising what he was doing, she stepped over to him and slapped him on the thigh as she couldn't reach his shoulder. He was deliberately getting her to talk and her lispy little voice was very amusing. As he smirked, she couldn't help but smirk back. She understood why he'd find it funny because she could hear her own voice and it did sound comical to hear herself talk in her usual way but in this voice.

"I tell you what," he said, picking Lois up and sitting her down on a stool by the kitchen counter, "I'll get started on lunch. It should be ready in about half an hour."

He couldn't help but squish her cheeks a little after saying that. She shooed him away and he began to start preparing lunch, grinning.

"Clark, why would Thatanna do thith?"

Clark considered his words carefully. "Lois, do you remember the time you were in Mexico? At Chloe's birthday party, Zatanna was there and told Chloe she can grant whatever Chloe wished in that moment. Chloe told me she saw you laughing and joking with some other people, and felt she envied how you were so happy and doing really well at the Planet. She wasn't a journalist any more and her marriage had failed so she felt unhappy. Zatanna granted her the wish and she woke up as you the next day."

"Yeah, I remember her telling me. You even framed my Ruleth!" Lois laughed. Again it was a little girl laugh, but Lois getting some jabs in was par for the course.

Clark ignored her jibe. "Zatanna hexed Chloe to look like you, and it took me a while to realise it was Chloe in your body. You weren't quite yourself and I couldn't quite put my finger on it at first. It was one hell of a hex. Yesterday, Zatanna's company Shadowcraft was at the Con, and she hexed me and made a pass at me. I managed to fend off her advances but I'd still been hexed. She can grant wishes and cast spells because she learned how to do it from her father. She's not a bad person Lois, but she can be a little mischievous with her powers."

"I thee," said Lois.

"Yeah, this kind of thing is her idea of having fun," said Clark as he made a start on lunch.

Lois watched him cook and was impressed. He could chop onions with ease and had no trouble making meatballs using the minced beef, chopped onions, plus a few herbs and seasonings. She was a disaster in the kitchen but Clark had clearly taken on board some of the lessons passed down by his mother. Living by himself, he'd had to. Clark had noticed her doe-eyed staring and it disturbed him that a little girl was looking at him the way a grown-up girlfriend might. He didn't say anything. Soon enough, lunch would be ready.

Lunch was an interesting affair. Lois had trouble handling her fork in the normal way, only able to get a firm grip by holding onto it fully with her little hand. That made it tricky to eat properly which resulted in her getting quite a bit of sauce on her face. She declined Clark's offer to wipe her face or to use a spoon. Even picking up her glass of water required the use of two hands as one was simply not big enough to hold the glass properly. She knew he found all of this too funny but he decided to play fair and not say anything. He brought out a chair so she could wash her face and hands at the kitchen sink.

After lunch - where Shelby even grovelled for some meatballs - they sat down on the couch. Clark was right. A 4 year old would be feeling weary in the afternoon and would want a nap so it wasn't long before Lois was yawning. She curled up on the couch and within minutes she was asleep. Clark grabbed a nearby blanket and covered her. It occurred to him that this was the first time he'd actually seen Lois asleep when she wasn't drunk. She was curled up and hugging one of the cushions as her head rested on the other. For somebody who spent her days mimicking a tornado, she looked so serene when sleeping. Even when she was drunk, he recalled. He brushed the hair off her face and simply sat and watched.

He didn't realise it but he'd been watching her for over an hour when he heard a knock at the door. It was Chloe! He was now in a pickle because he couldn't move Lois and super-speed her to his bedroom without her noticing, and Chloe was here earlier than she said she'd be. He'd been hoping the matter would resolve itself before Chloe showed up. Now she'd see Lois in this state. Weighing up his options, he decided Chloe being aware of the issue was the lesser of the two problems and walked to the front door to let her in.

"Hey Clark!" said Chloe breezily as she made her way inside.

Clark put his finger over his mouth and ushered her into the kitchen to explain before she saw anything, so their conversation carried on in hushed tones.

"Clark, what's going on?"

"Lois is asleep on the couch. Before you go in there, there's something you should know," said Clark.

Upon seeing Chloe's expression of curiosity, he continued. "Lois bumped into Zatanna at the Ace of Clubs last night. They were talking about relationships and Lois mentioned something about wishing things were simple like when you're a kid."

"And?"

"And? Zatanna cast a spell on Lois, and it won't wear off until she wakes up again."

"Clark, what did she do?" asked Chloe, frowning. She knew from personal experience how careful you had to be around Zatanna.

Clark motioned for Chloe to step into the living room and see for herself. Chloe was gobsmacked to see a face she hadn't seen in so many years. She remembered Lois as a child vividly. Her mind went back to when they and Lucy used to play in the garden at each others' house.

"Oh my god!" she whispered.

"It's still Lois, just in her younger body," Clark explained.

Chloe stepped closer and could see the blouse and jacket just beneath the blanket. Lois' clothes looked like her normal ones. Clark explained this too.

"Even her clothes were shrunk to fit. This morning, I saw her in her pajamas at the Talon and they were the right size. I can't tell you how weird it is to see a mini Lois walking around."

The two of them decided to let Lois continue sleeping and headed out into the barn to discuss recent matters such as the solar towers, the Justice Society of America, and the status of Watchtower.

* * *

Almost three hours later, they stepped back into the house. Lois was no longer still asleep on the couch. They had a quick look around downstairs until they heard the toilet flush upstairs. Clark's mind immediately went back to Lois telling him how her height issues affected her use of the bathroom and he wondered if she'd managed to find something to help her reach the toilet and the sink. He'd forgotten that Lois would need a little help with all that.

"Well she's awake now. I guess we'll see if the spell wore off," said Chloe.

Not a minute later, the bathroom door opened and they heard Lois step out and come back downstairs. Looking at the stairs as she made her descent, both Clark and Chloe breathed a sigh of relief. Lois was indeed back to normal.

"Hey Smallville, I am back in business!" she announced in delight. The girl was back to being a woman, complete with her normal voice. She was dressed in the same outfit she'd been wearing all day, only this time it was more figure-hugging. The top of her cleavage was visible above the top buttons of her blouse.

Then she noticed Chloe.

"Chloe, how long have you been here?"

"Hey cuz. I've been here for a couple of hours actually. And yes, I know all about what happened," Chloe replied.

"That Zatanna woman has a lot to answer for," Lois added, and then she saw Clark smirking. "What?"

"Nothing. It's jutht you've been thpeaking differently all day Loith!" he mocked affectionately.

"Laugh all you want, Farmer John. When I speak to Zatanna again, I might wish to turn you into little Clarkie and see how you like it!"

Clark nodded, still smirking. He could always expect a snarky comeback whenever Lois felt he was trying to mock her or get the better of her. "I know it must have been hard for you but at the same time, it was a lot of fun to watch."

"I'm just glad I got my Ss back. Also, it's a strange feeling to be physically incapable of doing so many things you take for granted. Everything is so heavy when you're a kid!"

"I guess being a kid is not as simple as we all think it was," Chloe offered. "Just like when you think your own life sucks. You don't realise how good you have it until you see it from another perspective."

Clark asked Chloe if she was staying but she said she'd prefer to head back now so it wasn't too late when she got home.


	3. Epilogue

**Epilogue.**

After Chloe had left, the two of them sat down on the porch swing looking out at the sunset.

"Quite a day huh?" said Clark as they gently rocked back and forth on the swing.

"Yeah. Looking after a 4 year old must be a challenge, even for you. Can't be easy babysitting your girlfriend," said Lois.

Clark looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she realised how that must have sounded, and that it didn't paint him in the best light. Before she could pipe up to correct her foot-in-mouth moment, Clark spoke.

"Girlfriend? Is that what you are now Lois?"

Lois smiled. "You'd better believe it, Thmallville!"

He returned her smile as she leaned in to give him a kiss before resting her head on his chest, and they continued to look out at the sun gradually disappearing behind the barn.

* * *

 **FIN.**


End file.
